***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
