I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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