You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
