At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
