party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
