Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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