I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
