Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
