He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
