it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
