exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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