I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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