All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
