Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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