Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
