even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
