Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
