Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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