what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
that is very illegal...i love you.
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