playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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