Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
