i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
