Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
