I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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