I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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