and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
