id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
