Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
