She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
