I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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