He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
