i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
