I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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