the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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