My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
