Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
