ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Randomize
