Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
