If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Floor bacon is actually really good
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
