Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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