So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
