i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
