after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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