it wasn't lemon gatorade
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
