i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
