none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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