God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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