Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
