I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
