apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
