I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
