His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
