I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
