why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
